Who doesn’t love a good laugh? Whether you’re hoping to put a few smiles on the kids’ faces or if you were thinking to liven up that next boat party, it pays to come equipped with a few funny boat jokes.
But if your joke tank is running dry and your comic juices just aren’t flowing, then you can borrow a few of these tried and tested jokes to bring some smiles and sunshine to that next boating trip.
No-Fail Funny Boat Jokes
Lounging on a boat can get pretty quiet especially when lunch is finished and the sleepiness starts to settle in. But if you’re not looking for downtime and you want to keep things lively and loud, you could always toss a boat joke or two to spark some laughter.
Whether it’s for the kids or for the kids-at-heart, these no-fail jokes about boats should earn you a few laughs at your next boating get together.
- 1Why did the vegetable cargo ship sink? It had leeks.
- 2Did you hear about the successful boat business? I heard their sails were through the roof!
- 3Why did the boat offend every other boat at the dock? It was because of his pent up anchor.
- 4Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop. It was quite an oar deal.
- 5Why was the sea upset at the shore? Because it never waves back.
- 6What kind of boat will exchange money for your baby teeth? The Tooth Ferry.
- 7Did you hear about the boat that turned into a party barge? They say he gave into pier pressure.
- 8Where do sick boats go to get better? The dock, of course.
- 9What is considered the world’s best and fastest bilge pump? A frightened man with a bucket.
- 10Make sure you watch out for those new Bluetooth icebergs. I hear any ship that gets too close to one with sync.
- 11How can you tell if you’re buying a boat at a good price? When there’s a sail.
- 12What should you do to keep your boat in tip top shape? Give it a regular dose of vitamin sea, of course.
- 13What does a pirate do when there’s too much junk and clutter on his boat? He has a yaaarrrd sale.
- 14What’s the cheapest method of travel? By sail boat, of course.
- 15Did you hear about the zombies that could swim? They say they came from the Dead Sea.
- 16What is a sailor’s favorite detergent for washing clothes? Tide.
- 17Did you hear about the sailor who failed his boating exam? Word is he got C-sick.
- 18What do you call a broken boat in the middle of a storm? A hardship.
- 19Did you know that Captain Hook only paid half when he got his hook? That’s because he bought it from the second hand store.
- 20What do you call a boat that’s fully automated? A row-bot.
- 21Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll never be around for the weekends anymore.
- 22Why couldn’t the sailor distribute the cards for the card game? Because all hands were on the deck.
- 23What do you use to tighten up loose, sagging parts of a boat? Boat-tox.
- 24Did you hear about that amazing new nautical theme restaurant? I hear it’s pier-reviewed.
- 25What do you call the boat that Jesus was on when he calmed the storm? A worship.
Funny Boat Jokes to Keep the Party Going
If you thought those were funny, then you might find these next jokes on a different level. Keep a few at the ready to lighten the mood and break out some laughter while you enjoy the sun and fun with your family and friends.
- 26Did you hear about the fastest boat to have ever sailed? It was called the Usain Boat.
- 27What did the sailor say when his crew was finally ready to set sail? It’s a-boat time!
- 28What did the aspiring captain say to his boss? I’ll get my own boat schooner or later.
- 29What did the one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved at each other.
- 30What did the captain plead with Medusa when he accidentally looked her in the eye? Turn me into stone all you want but please, don’t rock the boat!
- 31Why did pirates always fail their alphabet tests? Because they never leave C.
- 32Why couldn’t the minor get in to watch the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrrr!
- 33Why did no one like to sit with the lady at the back of the boat? She was very stern.
- 34What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock? “I haven’t got a crew.”
- 35What did Bugs Bunny say when he arrived at the marina? “What’s up, dock!”
- 36Why does everyone love boat stories? They always have a ferry tale ending.
- 37What did the choking life vest say to the rescue ring after he performed the Heimlich? “You’re a real life saver!”
- 38What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? “Water you doing here!?”
- 39Did you hear about the premier cruise for zombies? I heard their destination was the Dead Sea.
- 40Why did the speed boat take double the time to get back as the rest of the boats? It decided to take the sea-nic route.
- 41Why didn’t the boat’s band come back with the rest of the crew? They were Maroon 5.
- 42Why didn’t they let the crew play the R18 film on the cruise? Because of censor-ship.
- 43What did they say was the best cure for scurvy? Vitamin Sea!
- 44Some of the cast of Friends were shipwrecked, but made it out alive. They say it was because Lisa Kudrow and David was a well-trained Schwimmer.
- 45What did the captain say to the boat that was following his boat too closely? “Hey, stop sailgating me!”
The Best Boat Jokes
Still looking for a few more jokes to bring to your next trip? These funny boat jokes should keep you well-equipped for hours of endless laughter and fun while you soak up the salty situation.
- 46If you ever need a custom boat built, let me know. I Noah guy who can help.
- 47What did the boat say to the other boat after he beat him to the punchline a third time? “You’re such a keel joy.”
- 48What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited? “You can’t just barge in like that!”
- 49How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.
- 50What did the ocean say to the sea after it added extra salt to its water? “Whatever floats your boat.”
- 51Why didn’t they let the passenger purchase the extra rope on deck? Because it was knot for sail.
- 52What’s the best way to enjoy a party on the waves? You sail-ebrate of course!
- 53Why did the captain think twice about adding a faucet to his boat? He was afraid it would sink.
- 54Did you hear about the cruise guest who tried talking to a Spanish cruise guest? He got lost at ‘si.’
- 55What’s the most popular movie in all of underwater history? The Codfather.
- 56What do you call housekeepers in Atlantis? Mermaids.
- 57Did you hear about the pirate who got his first pair of piercings? They said it cost him a buck an ear.
- 58What do you call the guy who attends to prospective customers at a boat dealership? A sails manager.
- 59There are four cigarettes and three men on a boat, but they don’t have any way to light up their cigs. So what do they do? They toss one out to the water, and their boat instantly becomes a cigarette lighter.
- 60What did one row boat say to the other after their candlelit dinner? “You are incredibly row-mantic!”
- 61What did the husband say to his wife after she nagged him for spending the day fishing. “C’mon honey, I just wanted to seas the day!”
- 62A person standing on a dock was startled by a man who was swimming through the water with his arms full of fishing gear. Frantic, he threw the gear on the dock shouting “Here, hold this!” He pointed back to the water to show his boat was almost completely sunk. As he threw his stuff to the man’s feet, he turned to swim back. “Where are you going?!” the man on the dock asked. “I’m going back for my wife!” he shouted.
- 63“It’s pretty windy today, I think I’ll postpone my trip and head back home,” said no boater ever.
Just for Laughs
It’s always nice to have a few jokes at the ready to liven up your next boating trip. Make sure to keep a copy of these funny boat jokes with you for your next excursion, or chalk them up to memory so you can break the ice and keep the party going as you enjoy the wind, waves, and quality time with your family and friends.