Worst Boat Names Ever (41 Embarrassing & Cringe Worthy)

Worst Boat Names

People make mistakes, but when people actually give their boats the worst boat names imaginable, then it might be time to re-think the way you have been living life. Having the worst boat name is a feat that not a lot of people can readily claim, but trust us when we say we have seen our fair share of absolutely bonkers boat names, some of which should never be allowed to be seen in public ever again.

If you would like to know a few boat names that you should never give to your boat, as well as some tips for choosing an actual good name, then this is the guide for you.

Our “Worst” Suggestions

The Biggest Dick

Naming your boat “The Biggest Dick,” regardless of your intentions (sexual or otherwise), makes you look like the biggest dick in the world. Avoid this boat name as much as possible.

Even if your actual name is Dick and you are the biggest among your siblings, we still do not see this name to be a great fit for any boat whatsoever.

Horny Ape

This may be something wacky teenagers write on the walls of public bathrooms or perhaps even a sticker people attach to their bags or personal belongings, but trust us when we say that in terms of impropriety, this one has to be on top of that list.

The “Horny Ape” just signals desperation and sexual depravity. Do not even think about using this to name anything, much less your boat.

Drunk and High

It may seem to be the least horrible in the list we have presented, but this boat name sounds so cliche and overused that we find it to be taboo.

Also, consider the legal ramifications of this boat name. If you have been accused of substance abuse or peddling, then having “Drunk and High” as your boat name will only work in favor of those against you.

Anal Lover

This does not need much explaining. Everyone has their sexual preferences in life, but not everything needs to be broadcasted for the world to hear and see.

By no means are we judging. We just find it weird that you have to express your love for anal by labeling your boat with “Anal Lover.”

My Bitch

“My Bitch” is just rude and insensitive, especially in this day and age, and do not test us with using the “Bitch is a female dog” defense. We are sick and tired of hearing that juvenile explanation.

This name, above all the others we have presented, just bothers us the most. Do not use this name at all.

More Not So Great Boat Names We've Encountered

  • Bow Down
  • Gyp Sea
  • The Jobsite
  • Don't Look Back
  • Better Knot
  • Skid Marks
  • Yacht Sea
  • Sexual Heeling
  • Yeah Buoy
  • Sea Duction
  • Bow Movement
  • Ship For Brains
  • Just The Tip
  • Farr Out
  • Sinkerton
  • Airgasm
  • Boaty McBoatface
  • Breaking Wind
  • Knot A Clew
  • Anarchy
  • Lady Of The Sea
  • Roundup
  • The Mistress
  • Dirty Oar
  • Fishizzle
  • Yes Dear
  • Whatever...
  • Nauti Spice
  • Second Wind
  • Wet Dream
  • Slippery When Wet
  • Boobie Trap
  • Buoys And Gulls
  • Why Knot
  • Deep Ship
  • Sailbad The Sinner

Since you're here you may also be interested in banned boat names, redneck boat names and the dirtiest and most inappropriate boat names. These are some more bad, albeit funny at times, ideas.

Tips and Advice for Choosing Good Boat Names

Now that we have the worst boat names out of the way, it is about time to discuss a few of the best pieces of advice to consider in order to ensure that you give your boat the best name possible.

Listed below are a few of the things you have to consider:

  • A boat name should be short and concise. Having a long boat name would not only be difficult to paint on the sides of the boat but would also make it difficult for the port authorities and other ships and vessels to properly identify your boat in situations that require identification.The boat name represents you and your passions in life.
  • The boat name sends a message to the world and lets other people know what you have been through in life and what aspects of life you are most passionate about. Make sure that your boat’s identity is in line with your sense of self, as well as the things you like. If anything, the boat name would be a great conversation starter, especially if the name is unique or unheard of.
  • There are no good or bad boat names. Although we have listed down the worst boat names, it does not necessarily mean that whatever boat name you think of should be rated from bad to good. There is no scale or system with which to judge how great your boat name is. As long as the name is wholesome, concise, and in line with who you are as a person, then that boat name is the perfect one for you.


There are acceptable ways of naming your boat, and there are ways wherein you are giving your boat the worst possible name. Do not be the latter.

Aside from our list of the worst boat names ever, try to check out our other boat naming guides. We have crafted suggestions for a lot of different professions and fields of expertise as well as themes. 

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